A Trip To San Diego

This past weekend we managed to make our first trip down to San Diego after Owen was born.  It never ceases to amaze how much stuff we travel with when we're away from home for only 48 hours.  It looks like we're moving across the country.  Regardless, we had a lovely weekend spending time with family and friends.

On Friday evening, after suffering through the lovely traffic on the 5 South, we had a gathering at my parents' house.  Gammer made it over to meet Owen for the first time, along with Jim and Lark, Greg, John and Nancy Watt, DeeDee, and Steve and Kris.  We hung out in the backyard with the amazing weather, Connor got his fill of baseball and soccer and golf, and we all enjoyed each other.

Friday night was a little less pleasant as both kids had a little trouble falling asleep in their new environs.  For about an hour stretch I don't think Sara and I were sitting down at the same time as we traded off consoling and comforting duty with each boy.  They did both manage to fall asleep at some point though and we survived until morning.

On Saturday morning we got up and headed to the waterfront to see the USS Midway.  The Midway is a decommissioned aircraft carrier that has been turned in to a museum in San Diego Bay.  The flight deck has about 20 different aircraft, many of which you can climb into, and there are also exhibits set up in many of the interior spaces.  As Connor is very in to planes at the moment this was a hit.  He loved climbing in to the cockpits, pressing all the buttons and turning all the dials.

Saturday afternoon was a little more casual and Saturday night had a few less waking children.

On Sunday morning we got to go see another airplane.  Al Treadwell, a family friend, owns a small 6 seat plane that he keeps in a hanger at Gillespie field which is not far from my parents house.  Connor again got to climb in the pilot's chair and even got to put on a headset and listen to the radio tower.  Next time he's asked that the plane fly up high.

After packing our car full of everything that we unpacked just two days before, we headed back up the 5 (again, a lovely experience) towards home.  It was a successful weekend trip.  Now Sara and I just need a weekend from the weekend to recover.

Where Does The Time Go???

Alright, so I've been a little delinquent.  We'll consider this a catch up post.  The happenings in the Means' household the past few weeks:

- UCLA basketball games.  We enjoyed watching the Bruins make it to the Sweet 16 this year in the NCAA tournament.  We watched their first game against Tulsa with T, Brittney, Henry, Lara and Molly.  Game numbers 2 and 3 were T, Brittney and Henry.  With small children I am extraordinarily happy about the invention of the DVR.

Molly Visit - My cousin Molly came to visit us on the way down to San Diego to pick up some furniture.  She got to experience the joys of waking up at 3am to a crying baby and the fun that a 2.5 year old can bring.  On Saturday morning while she was here we made our way to the driving range and out to Panera Bread for lunch, which is quite the victory if you ask me.

Disneyland - Mostly because Sara and I can't help ourselves, and we're going to get use out of those passes while we have them.

Date Afternoon - Sara and I made it out of the house without the kids for the first time.  We went up to Hollywood for brunch and then saw The Book of Mormon at the Pantages Theatre.  We loved the show, loved brunch, and loved being able to talk with each other without being interrupted by crying or Connor asking "Why?"

A Severe/Profound Unilateral Hearing Loss

I have no idea how to start this other than to say that we received some unhappy news in regards to Owen last week.  The worries began back at the hospital, and last Tuesday our fears were realized.  During any newborns stay in the hospital they are subjected to many tests, one of which is the hearing screening.  Owen's results the first time through showed him passing in his right ear but his results were "Refer" on his left ear.  Many times a failed test can be caused by fluid in the ear or any other number of issues from birth.  They'd be back the next day to retest, no need to worry.  The next day the hearing screener rolled her cart back in and wired Owen up once again.  Right ear pass, left ear "Refer."  Shit.  We'd need to come back to the hospital about a week later for a rescreen.

This is about when the Googling started.  The internet is an amazing tool and it provides a huge amount of information, some of which is even accurate.  We read that about 1 in 1000 babies is born with a hearing loss.  Most babies who fail their first test at the hospital are fine, only about 5~10% of those with a "Refer" test actually having hearing loss and they generally pass their rescreen test.  A week later Sara took Owen back to the hospital for the rescreen.  Right ear pass, left ear "Refer." Shit again.  We would be contacted by an audiologist for further testing.

Again, back to the googling.  What's an audiologist?? What sort of tests do they run?? What type of percentages are we looking at now?  We were contacted within the next couple of weeks by the John Tracy Clinic in Long Beach to set up Owen's additional testing, which occurred on Tuesday morning.  They ran three different tests while we were there.  First, a tympanometry which revealed normal activity of the ear drum.  Second, an ABR, or auditory brainstem response.  They basically put an earphone into the ear and measure the activity on the auditory nerve.  Right ear pass, left ear "Noisy."  Sadness

This was basically the end of hope that it was something that would end up being fine.  Owen was diagnosed a a severe/profound unilateral hearing loss.  He cannot hear, and without much doubt will never be able to hear, out of his left ear.  We are still struggling with this news and all of the implications.  Again, the internet can be both amazing and terrifying. We know that we have a huge number of additional appointments in our future, that team sports will be more difficult for Owen because sound localization is going to be problematic, that it could present a safety issue (for instance, not being able to hear an approaching car while on a bicycle), that he is significantly more likely to have learning difficulties....There is a second side to this coin though.  With one good ear he has every opportunity to grow up with a completely normal childhood, excel in whatever he strives for, have no difficulties in school, become the next Stephen Colbert - another who suffers from unilateral hearing loss.  As I think Sara and I try to approach everything, we will continue to hope for the best and plan to prevent the worst.

We still have more questions than answers.  The next steps appear to be the following:

- Make appointment with different audiologist who can help with any sort of appropriate treatment plan.

- Make appointment with ENT to ensure that there is nothing structurally wrong with the ear.

- Make appointment with Early Start Program through our school district to begin in home work for both Owen and the rest of the family.

- Start attending classes on how to best help Owen live and learn as any normal child would.

We are extraordinarily blessed by having two amazing little boys.  We are still struggling with the sadness and the complications that this diagnosis has brought into our lives.  Regardless, we move forward, figure out what the next steps are, and figure out how best to love and care for both Owen and Connor while understanding this new reality.

Our Little Helper

When is a helper not really a helper? When it's a 2.5 year old trying to "help" with burping the baby, or calming the baby down, or feeding the baby.  Connor loves to help take care of his little brother, so any opportunity we can find for him to help without causing bodily harm we try to utilize.  This comes in the form of Connor pouring warm water over Owen during bath time to keep him from getting cold, or grabbing a burp cloth out of the drawer to help mom during feeding, or showing Owen a stuffed animal when he's upset.  It is amazing to see the compassion that Connor shows towards Owen, and Sara and I are excited to see when Owen will actually be able to reciprocate with a smile or a giggle.

Below are a couple of videos of our little helper in action.

The Happiest Place on Earth

This year Sara and I were fortunate enough to be given annual passes to Disneyland.  We had used the passes once in December before Christmas and once in January, and decided to try today as we've been feeling a bit house bound since Owen was born.  I'm not sure how familiar everyone is with Disneyland and its operations, but our family is officially a front row of the parking tram family.  This is the special row with double doors, extra room for absurdly large strollers and even a helpful attendant who will help hoist anything without a pulse into the tram car.  In a few years I'm sure well graduate to normal row status, but for the time being, front row it is.

The day at Disneyland was awesome.  We started out at California Adventure as Connor had made a special request for the Monster's Inc. ride.  On our way to the ride Connor even recognized the location where he had thrown up the last time we were there (We couldn't believe his memory was that good and it also made us think that moment was pretty traumatizing for him).  After this we made our way to Mater's Tractor ride and then to Luigi's Tires.  Connor loved all three and then asked for Dumbo next, so it was time to head across the courtyard to Disneyland.

Once in Disneyland I definitely noticed how the streets were a little smaller than its newer neighbor as we tried to navigate the double Bob stroller to Fantasyland.  Once there Connor remembered that there was a carousel, and you obviously go on the carousel before Dumbo.  We decided this was the perfect opportunity for Owen's first Disneyland ride.  While in line we talked to Connor about how Owen and Mommy might ride one of the benches, since they wouldn't want to be on the horse going up and down.  Connor decided we all needed to ride together, so the 4 of us sat down and rode in circles for 45 seconds or so.  

Next up was Dumbo, which had a longer line than any previous time we'd been to Disneyland.  Connor managed to keep it together in line with the help of a few snacks, didn't lodge his head in between any of the railings surrounding the planters (a special nod to my cousin Erin who accomplished this about 25 years ago and I will always think of this when in line for Dumbo), and we mounted our flying elephant with Mommy and Owen in hot pursuit in the elephant behind.  

After Connor and I avoided being caught (I've personally never been caught in a Dumbo and assured Connor today wouldn't be the first time), we made our way to tomorrow land for a little lunch and then it was time for the last ride of the day, the Astro Rockets.  Owen and Mommy sat this one out, but Connor and I flew those rockets like pros.  As we boarded the tram, front row again of course, back to the parking structure we smiled at a pretty great morning.

Connor and Mom on Mater's Tractor Ride

Owen and Mom on Dumbo 

Dad and Connor on the Astro Rockets

The Two Kids Saturday Night

As far as parenting philosophies go, Sara and I don't adhere strictly to many.  However, one thing that we've always tried to accomplish is to have the kids be a part of the family, rather than the absolute center that our entire world revolves around.  We fail at this from time to time as we fail at most things occasionally in the world of parenting, but it remains a goal.

Part of this has meant continuing our lives with both Connor and Owen in terms of habits, things we enjoy doing, etc.  Throughout our marriage we have typically managed to get out of the house to eat one night a week, and we have tried to continue that tradition.  On Valentine's weekend, with Owen just over 2 weeks old, that meant a burger at Johnny Rockets.  Tonight, with Owen a whole 3 weeks old, that meant venturing out to Islands.  There is nothing quite like a dinner where one person is trying to corral a toddler and the other is looking on in terror as the newborn may or may not take a pacifier.  Regardless, we feel like each of these nights is a success.  If it does nothing more than get the kids used to going out to dinner, being in restaurants around crowds, etc., it was a worthwhile exercise.

One thing that was never previously part of our lives, but has now become one of our favorite parts of the day, is book time.  Each night we settle in and read two books before bed.  As kids tend to do, there are occasionally favorites that crop up and those get read every night for a period of a couple of weeks.  One of those books, when Connor was probably one and half, was Is Your Mama a Llama.  During the last year, this book had gone out of favor, but Connor rediscovered it tonight and asked if he could bring it to dinner.  On the way home, Connor held the book in the back seat as Sara and I read the book from memory.  I can't say how many books we now know by heart, or how many songs we can sing that got us a smile or a laugh somewhere along the way, but I know that those pieces of knowledge are more valuable than just about anything we've learned in our 32 years.  The worth of those smiles and laughs just can't be quantified....

And now, just because I know this is the reason most of you are here, a couple of photos from the last few days.

So It Turns Out Infants Cry

As a parent of a young child I have grown somewhat immune to the sound of crying.  I certainly still recognize it, and there is always the cry of pain that registers as different from the hungry cry or the whiny cry or the plain ole just want to cry cry.  However, compared to 24 year old Colin who would wince every time he'd hear a baby cry, 32 year old Colin is significantly lower on the reaction scale.

Despite all of that, Sara and I have been surprised at how much Owen seems to cry during his awake times.  Connor had a lead stomach that could suck down any amount of milk, be thrown up in the air seconds later and manage to keep everything down with a smile.  Owen seems to struggle simply with keeping in milk while having his diaper changed.  Jostling is definitely not a good idea immediately after feeding.  He also seems to struggle with swallowing a little more air during feedings than Connor, or being less adept at handling the air once it's in his system.  While his scrunched up face as he tries to deal with these problems is pretty adorable, the accompanying shrieks that he lets out on occasion are less so.

As Sara and I talk and try to figure out ways to make Owen a little more comfortable we come back to a couple of thoughts.  First, maybe in our sleep deprived state of the first few weeks of Connor's life, and all the joy he has brought to us, we're not remembering his attitude exactly accurately.  The negatives of anything seem to fade as time wears on, so why would this be any different.  Secondly, Owen isn't yet 3 weeks old, and perhaps our expectations, either based on Connor or our inaccurate memories of Connor are a little unreasonable.  It doesn't make the individual moments of crying significantly easier to deal with, but it does help with mental health as a whole.

As has been said many times when it comes to small children, days can be long but years are short.  In no time at all we'll be dealing with two boys crying from wrestling each other and someone banging their head rather than someone having a dirty diaper.  Until then, maybe it's time for a white noise machine.